I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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