dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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