no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have aggressive nipples.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
