Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Porn is love you can see.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
