we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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