i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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