Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
