we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
