sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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