just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
