I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
