just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
