Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
