We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
