Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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