so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
