Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
