Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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