i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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