I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
