He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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