Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
