The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
