i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
