some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
