You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
