he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
