i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
