I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
