sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
