I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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