Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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