he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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