She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
