Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
