Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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