this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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