Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
