Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
