Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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