The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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