she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
