I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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