Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
