So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
