ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
