you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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