how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
