I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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