Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
