So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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