forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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