Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
false alarm. still invincible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
