when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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