please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
